Tuesday, July 04, 2006

America, you're a big girl now. A big fat, greedy, bitchy, selfish girl.

Happy birthday USA! Wow, I remember when you were 210 years old and my grandma and I listened to Ray Charles sing America the beautiful while the pretend bombs blew up in the air. Those were the days. Ok enough nostalgia. America, you've got a problem that needs to be addressed. You are unable to make good decisions. I mean, the oil problem-- you just can't seem to get off the sauce. You're in debt up to your ass and you keep charging. Also, America, are you on your rag? Because you have been raging against the world like my mom on a cleaning rampage shouting about what "fucking pigs" we all are. I'm just wondering. Hopefully, you can work through some of these issues. You need to or you're going to be 4000 pounds, homeless and have creditors on your back. Maybe you should get a job at Heavenly Bodies and start paying some of that shit down. Sorry, girl. I'm just trying to help. Don't start crying. You ALWAYS do this. You ask me what I think and I tell you and you start crying because you're drunk.

Ok, enough of that conversation with America. I was told today by several people that I don't update my blog enough. I had no idea anyone was even paying attention. So, I'll try to be better about updating my blog. I promise, Pat.

I had a lovely bar-b-que today. It went really well. Several groups converged at my house. Enjoyed some hamburgers, italian sausages, hot dogs, and delicious veggie kabobs (thanks Jen). Also, my ad-hoc potato salad was a hit. Honestly I just added what I thought belonged in potato salad and people loved it. Apparently rats and dead babies go in potato salad... who knew?

Also, I know what it sounds like to live in a war zone. Literally everyone in this neighborhood was lighting off fireworks. It was symphonic and frightening at the same time.


Katy said...
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Katy said...

Well I quit reading because you don't update it often enough. But this was funny, even though I don't read your blog. Are you coming to Columbia?