Clinton II: the return to snowy river

She's baaaack. Thank god. I'm not going to lie, I'm happy. Don't get me wrong, I like Obama. He's inspiring, sure. He's upbeat and has that whole Bobby Kennedy factor. And he's been a Senator for 2 years and people don't hate him that much.

I voted for him whole-heartedly in 2004. I went and saw him speak. I cried (like real, Hillary Clinton tears) during his 2004 Democratic Convention speech. Oh the audacity of hope. My heart swoons. He was elected with like 60-some-odd-percent of the vote in Illinois. Huzzah. Go Obama.

And then that's the last time anyone heard from him. I'm not saying this to be flip. Didn't he get in fights with John McCain about something stupid? He was on the Daily Show a couple times. He's so hip.

The problem is, I just don't feel like he's been an advocate for anything. Where are his big policy initiatives? Where's the long soliloquies on the floor of the Senate about how we're not doing enough for this or that liberal cause? To quote Bill Maher: "Is there a 'there' there that I'm not seeing?" (granted, he was talking about Fred Thompson). He gives great speeches. And he should give more of them. In the Senate.

I'm saving my real ire for John Edwards. What a slimy fuck. Sorry to the children reading this blog, because this is about to get ugly. But some of the problems with him, I just can't hold back.

First and foremost, John Edwards had his chance to be a powerful voice for change. And he blew it. It was called 2004. Remember? He was the Vice-Presidential candidate. He was the slimy inauthentic half of Kerry-Edwards. He had a chance to stand up and speak truth to power. And his response was to let Dick Cheney say they he'd never met John Edwards before... which was a lie.

Nevermind the fact that he lives in a huge mansion. Nevermind that he gets $400 haircuts. Nevermind that he's a rich lawyer. All of those things are nice little chinks in his armor. All you need to know is that he had his chance and he fucked it up. And as a result, we got Bush for 4 more years.

That said, I like his wife. I feel bad that she's dying of cancer. That sucks.

Much to my surprise, Hillary got a win in New Hampshire tonight. If you didn't know that and you're finding that out from this blog, please don't vote. I won't be able to sleep at night with the thought of your vote counting as much as mine.

I like Hillary. I like Hillary mostly because she's such a boogie-woman of the right. They're scared of her and most republicans are afraid of things that are probably good for the common man so I'm probably for whatever she's for.

I just hope to god someone stops her from wearing those TJ Maxx jackets she keeps rocking on the campaign trail. Those jackets are tragic. She needs a stronger gay rights agenda and maybe she'll get a decent stylist. She needs to get out of the Von Maur old lady's section.


Of course, I don't have a good history of supporting winning candidates. Let's review.
2000
Initially supported Bill Bradley. Said I would vote for McCain if it came to McCain vs Gore. Wound up voting for Nader, thinking there was no difference between Bush and Gore. Whoops.
Voted for Mel Carnahan after his plane went down in a firey crash.
First ballot and we're off to a great start.

2002:
Voted for Jean Carnahan (wife of deceased governor above). She loses. I nearly "lose it" when friend who voted for Al Gore admits she voted for Jim Talent. Piece of me dies inside.
But... Gov. Blagojevich is elected in Illinois and Dick Durbin is reelected.

2004:
Initially wanted Gore to run again.
Then a Dean supporter.
Then my soul was crushed.
Friend who previously voted for Al Gore admits to voting for George W Bush. Soul shrivels up and blows away.
PLUSES: Obama elected. Alan Keyes humiliated.

2006:
Democrats retake congress! Huzzah!
Blago reelected and my life actively begins to get worse due to his complete inability to work with any other lawmaker or human being on the face of the earth! (Mark my words Blago: if you do not fund the CTA, I will be calling you every morning for a personal plane ride to work!)

And that leads me to 2008. Hillary Clinton. Don't stop thinking about tomorrow. Don't stop. It'll soon be here.

Better than before.

Celine Dion is her campaign song.